A few weeks ago, when I asked for post idea suggestions on Instagram, my sister suggested that I should make an “if I were a filthy rich person” wish list. I liked the idea as I usually don’t spend much time on sites like net-a-porter and the like at all, so I thought I could give it a go. So, in the words of the incomparable Eartha Kitt:
Think of all the fun I’ve missed,
Think of all the fellas that I haven’t kissed,
Next year I could be just as good,
If you’ll check off my Christmas list
1. Donna Karan Asymmetric Cashmere Sweater (adlink)
Because in Rich People Land you don’t have to worry about having cold shoulders in winter – you have a driver and you don’t have to think about the electric bill, ever! As long as it’s comfy and chic (and black) it’s all good. If there were more colors, I would buy those as well.
2. Lanvin Wool Beanie (adlink)
Because why buy a $40 good quality wool beanie when you can get a crystal-embellished one from Lanvin? And no, the embellishment is not detachable, so it really does have to be cleaned by a specialist – rich people don’t have to think about practicalities like that, dumbass! I would buy two, so that I could wear one while the other was at the dry-cleaner to get the foundation stains removed. Makeup wearers, you know what I’m talking about.
3. MR & MRS FURS shearling-lined cotton-canvas parka
Yeah, I can’t crack a joke about this one. Look at it! Of course, I would worry about my jeans staining the white sheepskin, but rich people laugh at plebian worries like jean stains so neither would my imaginary rich self. I would wear this while slumming it downtown while scouring antique shops for the perfect Scandi Chic coffee table.
(I couldn’t find an adlink for this one, so if you end up buying it you can PayPal me that $100 commission directly, kthnx)
4. Bodas Cashmere Robe (adlink)
Because don’t you dare try suggesting that my body should be touched by common terrycloth after a shower! Terrycloth is for people who take the bus and run their own errands. Suckers.
5. Acne Studio Era shearling-trimmed wool coat (adlink)
Because I can’t always slum it downtown, can I? I would wear this with a huge wool scarf, but not an Acne Canada. Wearing Acne with Acne is like going to a rock concert wearing that same band’s shirt – total faux pas.
(And yes, I’m totally making this shit up)
6. Burberry Brit Checked cotton-Blend Shirt (adlink)
Because nothing says 90s throwback like 28% cashmere dry-clean only. I would pair these with SAINT LAURENT Distressed low-rise skinny jeans (adlink) for that authentic grunge feel. Kurt Cobain would be so proud.
7. Saint Laurent Monogramme small snake-effect leather shoulder bag (adlink)
Perfect for those short walks with The Poodle when I only need to bring my phone and some poopie bags. I can imagine the tassel making delightful jingle-jangle sounds, which would amuse both me and the canine. I could wear this over the shoulder or cross-body, depending on the chicness of the neighborhood I’m in.
8. Chloe Susanna studded leather ankle boots (adlink)
These would be my everyday boots. Low-heeled and sensible, but not regular-person-sensible, oh no. We’re talking $1400-sensible. Comfy, yet financially intimidating. Perfect.
9. SAINT LAURENT Patti studded goat hair ankle boots (adlink)
And last but not least – these goat boots. I would wear these around the house and laugh, laugh, LAUGH the the fact that someone designed these and thought they were a good idea, that they ever made it to production, at the fact that I could buy them, and at the fact that there are people out there that think these look, like, so totally chic. Then I would laugh some more while rolling around in $100 dollar bills on my white cashmere couch while drinking red wine. Then I would take a nap.
What would you buy if you suddenly woke up filthy rich? And do you appreciate the fact that I bothered to adlink this shit? You can’t blame a girl for trying to hustle!
Photo by Annie Spratt on Unsplash
The goat hair ankle boots, totally! That way I can dust my floor while waltzing with le Prince Charmant. Isn’t that perfect? (and no losing it while I hurry away at midnight).
If I woke up filthy rich, I’d probably have a sort of batcave built somewhere away from civilization and create some sort of luxurious Thoreau-like cabin. Maybe i’d buy an island in the Caribbean or something to house said luxurious hermitage.
I didn’t even THINK of the dusting! It’s like a super chic Roomba!!
Oh yeah, I’d totally get a bat cave. Or at least a wildly expensive apartment that magically always has great lighting for blog photos. There’s a reason why I mostly use stock products photos from November till March!
I had to finish laughing before digging up my link for you. This post is hilarious. I can’t decide which is funnier: the Lanvin beanie or carrying poopie bags in your YSL.
I’m only lusting after one stupid purchase. I actually touched one, at Liberty of London. Then I ran out of the store, because I know my Hoi polloi touch registered on some Swank Radar, and guards would arrive momentarily to throw me into the dungeon.
The pink Carven cocoon coat:http://m.avenue32.com/h5/int/us/hub?id=%2Fold-pink-oversized-coat-27301%2F¤cy=2%26source=googlebase&gclid=CNzbpPCXyMICFSgQ7AodegwAWQ
That swank radar alert (complete with guards and dungeon) is why I have never set foot inside a Chanel boutique. I imagine bright red flashing lights going off and suit-clad guards all turning to me while pointing and yelling “POOR!!! POOR!!! POOOOOOOR!!!!!”
And that Carven coat is gorgeous, I can totally get why you would want to fondle it!
Now it’s 60% off and actually affordable.
Just saying.
Haha this was great! No, I can’t blame a girl for getting her hustle on.
I’d get this ridiculous parka from Opening Ceremony http://www.openingceremony.us/products.asp?menuid=2&designerid=281&productid=69435&key=parka&sproductid=69437
Because even with my driver and my turned up heat, I think it looks better to show off the lavish fur if you don’t zip it up ;)
Oh so THAT’S where those parkas are from! I have seen them around on street style blogs but I never knew who made them :)
” I can imagine the tassel making delightful jingle-jangle sounds, which would amuse both me and the canine” was my favourite line, hahaha. And those goat hair boots!! A coworker of mine found some clogs similarly adorned, and was planning to wear them as part of a Sagittarius-themed costume.
Were I filthy rich, I would also buy those Susanna boots, plus Samantha Pleet’s entire FW 2014 collection (http://samanthapleet.com/blogs/collection-fall-winter-2014). It isn’t *filthy rich* expensive, but it is past me how many people can afford to snap up 300$+ dresses to the point some pieces get sold out within just a few days. Jealous, me? ;)
Hahaha, that’s the nail on the head though – I’ve got nothing against the filthy rich, I’m just wildly jealous. And that collection is gorgeous! Very vitage-y! In fact, it kept reminding of this dress that I inherited from my Grandma many years ago, you would have loved that one. It just didn’t suit me though, so it ended up going to charity :(
This post was absolutely hilarious! I usually avoid browsing though stores, either in person or online, that sell really expensive things. Looking in these stores usually just makes me sad that I can’t afford all the beautiful things I want, and at the same angry at the society we live in where people spend hundreds of thousands of dollars on clothes each year while there are children starving… but anyway, this post was hilarious, and I am loving all the Christmas themed posts. Sorry for the downer, I hope you are having a wonderful December :D
I see what you mean, completely. I didn’t write this to Poop on The Rich (what a slogan that could have been), as I don’t feel like the girl who spent two weeks at a greek five star spa resort this summer is the right person for that job (plus I’m very much a believer in not-my-money-not-my-business) but man, the money spent to buy those ugly goat boots could have helped a LOT of people.
I’m having a very busy but very wonderful December, and I’m leaving to go visit my family in just a few days! I’m already over the heavy foods and chocolate though, I started the celebrations WAY too early ;)