All my life I’ve been told that I have great teeth, strong teeth, fabulous teeth. Now, despite their strong fabulousness, they’ve been growing mighty crooked. I wore braces for five years and had to get about four teeth pulled out during that process. But ever since they’ve been fine, in fact, more than fine. I’ve got awesome teeth.
Up until now. Or, let me rephrase that: Most of my teeth are awesome. They’re healthy, shiny and can withstand vast amounts of sugar and tea without getting holes or turning brown. Some dentists might have claimed they’re borderline super-teeth.
See how awesome they are? They’re so awesome they’re grinning. Can your teeth grin? Huh?
But that’s most of them. You see, right now there are two teeth who are causing me discomfort. Two “wisdom teeth”, and boy am I using the word wisdom with great caution. Let me tell you, these teeth are anything but wise. In fact, this is what I imagine they must look like:
The fuckers are growing at an angle and causing me agony right now. No, let’s not grow up, let’s grow sideways! Yeah, that’s a great idea!
Dumb-as-rock pieces of calcium. I’m going to the dentist on Thursday.
Bitches be going down.