Plant Tour: 70 plants in a 678 square foot apartment
*or 63 square meters, if the metric system is your jam.
When I was a kid I had three dream professions: fireman, because of my inexplicable crush on fireman Sam. Chef, because food. And lastly: gardener. I liked plants and I liked greenhouses and garden centers so it made perfect sense. Then I grew up and developed violent pollen allergies, and all dreams of professional gardening went out the window. I’ve tried to keep plants as an adult, but my attempts were always half-hearted and the plants always ended up dying. For years I had none at all. Then a few years ago I bought a few plants as an experiment and realized that I could figure out all their needs from a simple Google search… Fast forward to today.
Welcome to the jungle
I am now one of those people. I watch plant videos on YouTube and I follow plant people on Instagram and suddenly I found myself keeping 70 plants alive at once. What can I say – it snowballed. I started out with a few succulents, the easiest ones I knew. Then I graduated to an ivy and a few pileas. Now I buy plants that threaten to die unless I give them water-filled pebble trays and a morning spritz of water on their foliage. If I keep this up I can no longer go on holidays in fear of returning home to dead plants.
This vertical shelf is next to a north-east-facing window. This is the goldilocks zone for those plants that like good lighting, but who don’t want it to be too intense.
This shelf is a few feet away from an south-east-facing window. On top there I’ve clustered together all my most sensitive and humidity-demanding plants so that I can try to keep them under the right conditions.
This is my desk, next to that same south-east-facing window. I don’t usually have my iMac here, but The Boyfriend has taken over the office with one of his projects so this is where I am for the time being. I don’t hate it. This area houses all my most light-hungry plants.
A better view of the windowsill.
Bedroom plants: Sansevierias only. This room has good lighting but can get very cold, so only the hardiest of plants get to stay here.
Another north-east-facing window. This is where the succulent crew hangs out. And also my dog.
Next to the TV I keep a few plants that don’t mind poorer lighting conditions. A ZZ plant, a satin pothos, and an aloe.
On top of the fridge the lighting is even worse. These two guys, a golden pothos and an ivy, seem to be doing fine.
Non-plant-nerds can stop here
If you only wanted to see my general abundance of plants you can stop here. I won’t be mad at you, I promise. You can scroll down to the comments and leave a few words, perhaps, but I’m not going to force you to read beyond this point. You see, I’m about to show you each and every plant in detail and tell you all their names. I get that this might not be your thing. You’re off the hook. The rest of you: buckle up.
Disclaimer: I might be wrong about the names of some of these. Please let me know if I am.
Vertical plant shelf details
The green and maroon crew
I almost called them “The Maroon Five” but they are only four so now I guess I need to buy another one.
All lined up
The dark side of the TV stand
By my desk
Square plant shelf details
The kitchen crew
The bedroom snakeplants
(I’m exhausted at this point. Please pardon my innuendo.)
My only outside plant
And that was it! If you made it this far please leave a comment saying “meatballs”. It will be like a secret plant nerd code. Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to go do something completely different, because I spent my entire weekend making this post and it is only two hours left until bedtime. I hope you enjoyed this peek inside my crazy.