in Maja Draws, Maja Writes

I don’t like seafood

Ouch. Pow! Right in the gut! I don’t like seafood. Are you provoked yet? It never ceases to amaze me how offended people get when you tell them that you don’t like seafood. “Are you allergic?” they ask, hoping that this only valid reason might be behind my dislike. Nope, I’m not allergic, I just don’t like it. I might as well have declared myself a baby killer judging by people’s reactions. And then the discussion starts: But you can’t say that you don’t like seafood, they gasp, there are so many different flavors! It’s like I have made a personal attack on their taste buds, they try to make me admit that I haven’t really tasted any real seafood, surely I’ve only tasted lesser varieties of sea-dwelling creatures?  When this doesn’t work, they try to argue with logic. It’s so healthy! Surely there must be something out there that you like? Are you sure you’re getting all the nutrients that you need? It’s a never-ending, pointless cycle of frustration. So gather around and let me explain to you the reasons why I don’t like seafood.

In the beginning I was a food-loving child. I ate everything, and lots of it. Seriously, I was infamous – I would eat dinner at my babysitter’s, then again at home, and then some leftovers later in the evening. I simply adored food! Fish, meat, vegetables, fruit – if it was edible, I would eat it.

Now, as all children, I would sometimes refuse to do things. Sometimes you just don’t feel like wearing pants, sometimes you would rather die than brush your teeth, and sometimes you just don’t feel like eating fish.  I don’t remember how old I was, but I remember it vividly – I was at my babysitter’s house one afternoon and I wouldn’t eat the fish dinner she had cooked. I sat in a chair, sulking, and just plain refused to eat it. Now, I’m not quite sure what Jedi mind-tricks she used on me – I remember her saying that if I didn’t eat it I wouldn’t get any other food, which for a gourmand like me was threat enough I suppose, but I’m sure there were other words of authoritarian encouragement. Anyway, I ended up eating the fish. What happened next?

Violent vomiting.

First on her lovely flower-patterned sofa, then in various other locations in the house. Payback is indeed a bitch. After this incident, I can’t stand seafood. Now, this is where I need to clarify – I don’t dislike seafood in the same way that I dislike Brussels sprouts. I can eat Brussels sprouts, but I’d rather avoid it if I can. Seafood, on the other hand, will make me vomit. It’s like offering me a plate of boogers – you can garnish it artfully with lemon and rice and truffles all you want, it’s still a plate of boogers, and projectile vomiting will ensue.

Now, I am a grown-up, and when I am served seafood I will always taste it in hopes that I will like it. Because I wish I liked it, I really do! I will carve off a little piece and put it in my mouth and say a little prayer for the God of Taste Buds™, but it never works. Honestly, I tried scallops just last weekend. Not a success. But I did award myself a gold star for trying.

Now, this wouldn’t be bad at all if it wasn’t for constantly having to defend myself. People think I’m childish. They try to argue me into liking seafood – how is that supposed to work exactly? Someone have even tried to sneak fish into my food without telling me! I’m not joking – adults did this. Vegetarians, do you have to endure this kind of bullshit? Do people try to force-feed you meat? You’ve got my everlasting sympathy.

Folks, the next time someone tells you they don’t like seafood, do you know what the correct answer is?

“Oh”.

Practice. It’s simple. Just one syllable!

You can do it!

Write a Comment

Comment

To help me prevent spam: *

19 Comments

  1. hahaha :)

    jeg var ikke spesielt glad i fisk da jeg var liten (bortsett fra fiskeboller…), men i dag spiser jeg jo KUN fisk :) & ja, det ER vanselig å forstå at noen ikke liker fisk.. jeg bruker masse chilli når jeg lager fisk, ovnsbaker den og spiser den med favorittgrønnsakene mine OG JEG BLIR SUR HVIS DU IKKE LIKER DET. :D

  2. *standing ovation*

    Darling, I promise, there’ll be no sea food of any kind when you come to visit. You’ll be safe.

    And this post is bloody fabulous.

  3. Hihihi, du er genial :D Jeg liker fisk men er ikke spesielt begeistret for skalldyr. Uansett så spiller det ingen rolle ettersom jeg er veggis nå. Heldigvis har jeg ikke opplevd at noen har prøvd å snike kjøtt inn i maten min, men jeg har brukt tilsammen tusen timer (minst!) på å forklare hvorfor jeg ikke vil spise døde dyr. So i can relate ;)

    • Det er så rart det er at man må rettferdiggjøre hvorfor man ikke vil spise noe. Det at jeg ikke liker noe betyr ikke at andre må mislike det! Det blir til og med mer igjen til dem! ;)

  4. ENDELIG flere enn meg! Jeg liker dog fisk, men skjell og reker og krabber og blekksprut – nei takk. Jeg får også sykt mange reaksjoner på at jeg ikke liker røykalaks. Det er visst en slags uskreven regel at dersom det av majoriteten anses som en type delikatesse, ja, da bør du pokker meg like det. Eventuelt – “du som er nordlending burde jo like all slags fisk!”

    >.<

    • Reker er havets biller og krabber er havets edderkopper, sånn er det bare. Jeg spiser ikke biller og edderkopper og heller ikke krabber eller reker!

      Å ikke like fisk når man er nordlending må faktisk være ekstra ille, når jeg tenker meg om. Du har min fulle sympati!

  5. JA!
    Jeg har det på akkurat samme måte, og attpåtill er jeg fransk og franskmenn elsker alt av østers, fisk, scampi og reker.

    jeg elsket reker da jeg var 3-4 år, men en dag spiste jeg for mange og ble dårlig i flere dager. Siden den gang har jeg alltid blitt drålig av skalldyr, kan hende det er psykologisk, men bottom line: jeg blir syk.

  6. Jeg kjenner meg veldig godt igjen! Jeg spiste ikke fisk i veldig mange år, men nå spiser jeg sushi, makrell i tomat og diverse skjult fisk som fiskekaker og fiskepinner. Og jeg klarer ikke skalldyr. Jeg tror det er konsistensen, det er bare ekkelt og smaker salt. Nå som jeg er her i USA er det veldig vanskelig å forstå at jeg ikke spiser det, for jeg er jo norsk.

    …Prøv også å forklare at du ikke spiser melkeprodukter eller liker rødvin og øl… Jepp, det er ikke så greit:)

    Ha en finfin søndag!

    • Jeg greier ikke det tangpapiret rundt (maki?) sushien en gang jeg.
      Jeg liker heller ikke rødvin! Men jeg tror jeg skal greie å lære meg å like det. Ølen er det ikke så farlig med, den kan jeg greie meg uten, så lenge jeg får lukte på den innimellom. Den LUKTER jo godt!

  7. Jeg merker at jeg ikke liker at folk er kresne eller utelukker matgrupper, men jeg holder det mest for meg selv. Så lenge man tør å smake og faktisk har gitt det et forsøk, har man grunn til å si at man ikke liker noe. Spesielt hvis man har erfaringer med oppkast – det er jo grenser på hvor mye man skal utsette seg selv for for å gjøre andre fornøyd.

    Jeg kjenner derimot at jeg blir litt irritert på folk som sier bastant “nei!” før de i det hele tatt har prøvd å smake. Og som ikke spiser grønt i det hele tatt – det bryter liksom med et av prinsippene mine eller noe. ^^’

    Nei, så lenge man spiser relativt sunt og variert så bør ikke andre legge seg opp i hva man spiser.

Webmentions

  • Not so fast facts | Maja Huse February 10, 2011

    […] Ikea Hack because I still think the idea is quite clever and because it got me a buttload of hits. I don’t like sea food because it felt so good to have a proper rant about the absolute disgustingness of sea […]

  • Not so fast facts | Maja Piraja February 10, 2011

    […] Ikea Hack because I still think the idea is quite clever and because it got me a buttload of hits. I don’t like sea food because it felt so good to have a proper rant about the absolute disgustingness of sea […]

  • Tweets that mention I don’t like sea food | Maja Piraja -- Topsy.com February 10, 2011

    […] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Maja Piraja, Maja Piraja. Maja Piraja said: I don’t like sea food: Ouch. Pow! Right in the gut! I don’t like sea food. Are you provoked yet? It never ceases… http://bit.ly/fgl8D9 […]