Early last week, Marius decided it was time to go home and visit his family. Where I’ve been home to visit mine about three times this year already, he hadn’t seen his family since Christmas – a trip home was long overdue. Now, for those of you who know me, you’ll know that I really don’t mind a bit of alone time. An evening with the apartment all to myself after a long work week is pretty much my idea of heaven, so a whole weekend must be even better, right? Right!
So Friday came and Marius left for work. I didn’t start work until noon, so already I had plenty of time to do absolutely nothing, all by myself. It was wonderful. I had dinner for breakfast and surfed the internet for hours. When I got to work, I frequently mentioned how much fun it would be to be all by myself all weekend.
By 5 pm I hadn’t heard from him since morning and started worrying that his plane might have crashed.
6 pm. He hadn’t left for the airport yet, and the reason why I hadn’t heard from him was that his iPhone had run out of battery. Phew! I was informed that his plane leaves around 8pm.
8 pm. I worry that his plane might have crashed again.
9 pm. I am at home and have been assured that he made it home safely, and I have also found the rose and Belgian chocolate that he left me. Aaw! Ok, time to kick back. This is it, I can do anything I want! ANYTHING! …I proceed to spend the night chatting on msn like I do every other night of the week.
On Saturday I slept in. I tried to convince myself that this was because of my new-found solitude, but I quickly realized that this was pretty much what I would have done any other Saturday except with less cuddles. And less cuddles is the polar opposite of more awesome.
I eventually got out of bed and proceeded to tidy up the apartment and eat the rest of my chocolates for breakfast. Chocolate for breakfast sounds great in theory, but it only left me nauseous and, more importantly, out of chocolate. Not a great success. I then sat down on the sofa, grabbed my laptop, and wrote a few blog posts. And surfed the web. And read gossip blogs. And played some World of Warcraft. And all of a sudden I looked up and it was 6pm and holy hell did I feel like a slob. I had half planned to do a short stroll around town and do some window shopping, but it was now too late, all the shops were closed.
Oh, and I was hungry. Which brings us to another fact I had to face – cooking for one is only fun in theory. You envision the amount of dishes you can cook, oh my, you can cook anything you want! Everything that you’ve never had the chance to cook before! Never mind that the only thing the boyfriend refuses to eat is cauliflower soup – if you want it, you can cook it, baby! But I didn’t really feel like it. And usually when I don’t feel like cooking I can bribe the boyfriend into doing it for me, but clearly this was not an option this time around.
Waiting for my single-person takeout in a restaurant full of couples on a Saturday evening was downright awkward.
After I had consumed my shameful single’s takeout, it was time to start preparing for a friend’s party. Or was it? You see, the thing about having a boyfriend is that you always have someone to talk to at a party, a security blanket if you will. But now I was flying solo. Combine this with the fact that I spend 8 hours a day every weekday talking to strangers, and you’ve got solid reason to just stay inside. I like to compare it to the chef who, when he comes home after work, cooks nothing but hot dogs – When the weekend comes, I’m all small-talked out. No more. I stayed in.
So again I assumed the sofa position, laptop on armrest, movie in front of me. But hey, here’s another reason to enjoy my new-found freedom, I could watch any movie I wanted, anything! Of course I had to pick something my boyfriend would never ever watch with me, so I picked – drumroll – Twilight.
Oh god, the agony. Seriously, you guys. Seriously. This is what passes as romantic these days? Edward looks like he’s in a perpetual state of just-about-to-vomit, Bella always looks awfully confused and she blinks a lot, more than I thought was humanly possible, and the wolves? Why are they always shirtless? Who decided werewolves have to wear denim shorts? And why are we now under the impression that 17-year-old boys are sexy? God, I felt like Chris Hansen was about to bust through my door any minute. I went to bed feeling greasy, antisocial and vaguely like a creep.
Sunday. More Warcraft. Food. More online time-wasting. Wrote another blog post. More food. Drank some tea. More tea. More food. At 5pm I had made plans to eat cake with some friends, thank goodness, or else I would have gone through the weekend without actual human, face-to-face conversation. Coffee and tea. home, internet, bed.
There’s a lesson to be learned here, kids, Never, ever, leave me alone for a whole weekend. Ever! I will only surf the internet and eat. Surf, eat, surf, eat, surf, eat. You see, I keep convincing myself I can manage perfectly fine on my own, but the truth is that I’d end up as the greasiest slob that ever slobbed – completely void of any social skills, and only leaving the house to re-stock on sweet-and-sour pork or have my router fixed. And to buy more tea.
Bottom line – Marius, my weekends are crap without you, don’t you ever leave me home alone again!